Sirius' Story Time
by evansentranced
Summary: Sirius tells the real story of the Hogwarts founders to the first years. It's a bit more violent than you'd expect for a bedtime story. One shot.


"Alright kiddies, gather round, gather round," Sirius said. "It's time for Story Time!"

James glanced up briefly from his game of Exploding Snap with Remus, rolled his eyes, and decided to ignore Sirius as usual. Remus didn't even look up, as he was currently losing and needed his concentration. Peter eagerly scooted over to sit in front of Sirius with the small crowd of first and second years who also idolized him.

"Tonight, I'll be telling you the tale of the Hogwarts founders. The one you can't read in the history books. So mind you all PAY ATTENTION," he added, glancing purposefully up at James and Remus, who sighed and abandoned their game.

"Who gave Sirius a story time, anyway?" Remus whispered. James shrugged, and they both gave Sirius their (almost) undivided attention. Sirus cleared his throat importantly and began:

_"Once, about a thousand years ago, there were four great wizards, or rather, two great wizards and two great witches. Godric Gryffindor, Rowena Ravenclaw, Salazar Slytherin and Helga Hufflepuff. Godric, Rowena and Salazar had decided to start up a school of magic, and asked Helga to join them. She accepted. _

_"The first thing they decided was what qualities each wanted for their house. _

_"Rowena immediately stood up and cried out, 'I call the smart ones!' _

_"Salazar quickly added, 'And I the cunning ambitious ones!' _

_"Godric, not one to be beaten, cried, 'I'll have the brave ones, then!'_

_"And sweet Helga said, 'Alright, I'll have the rest.'_

_"The next thing they decided on were their colours. Godric, remembering the last round of choices, immediately said, 'Red and gold are mine!' _

_"To which Salazar added, __'Green and silver for me!' _

_"Rowena, seeing she still had a choice, jumped in with, 'I'll take blue and bronze!'_

"'_Okay,' Helga said quietly, 'I suppose yellow and black are nice.'_

_"They still needed to decide on mascots. Predictably, Salazar called the snake, Godric the lion, and Rowena the eagle, leaving Helga a badger. The construction of the school went the same way, Rowena and Godric calling dibs on the towers, Salazar choosing a dungeon lair, and Helga ending up with the basement. Helga never minded, though. She was a sweet tempered woman, not the type to raise a fuss._

_"Several years after all this had happened, the Founders were having dinner together in Rowena's private quarters. Salazar and Godric were eating like pigs, as was their custom, and Rowena had her nose in a book, as was her custom. Helga had tried and failed to start a conversation. Sighing, she reached for the last steak, but before she could get it to her plate, Godric snatched it from her and stuffed half in his mouth._

_"Helga's eye twitched. She took a deep breath, counted to ten, and snapped. With a vicious cry of rage, she rose, upending the marble table over her shocked colleges. She whipped out her wand and pointed it at them, a stream of violent hexes and foul epithets already streaming from her mouth. Godric fought her off, inadvertently using Salazar as a shield. Soon Godric and Salazar were fighting again, having nearly forgotten about Helga. But gone were the days when she would wait politely, twiddling her thumbs until they'd finished their little tiff. Stepping over Rowena's bloody and inert body, she cursed Godric until he lay twitching on the floor, resembling a brutally chopped mandrake in a hat and robes. She turned on Salazar, who took one look at her enraged expression and ran, leaving the school forever. _

_"Helga stood in the middle of the wreckage, surveying her handiwork, chest heaving. She watched as the door swang back and forth on its broken hinges. She watched as the chandelier fell to the ground with a crash. She watched as the pages of Rowena's book flipped back and forth in the breeze coming from a large gap where she'd blown the walls clear out of the room. She watched as the nasty, mandrake like form that had once been Godric Gryffindor oozed blood and guts over what had once been a decent set of robes and a rather nice hat. _

"'_Dammit, Godric, that was MY hat!' she cried angrily. _

_"Whipping out her wand, she decapitated her old friend and summoned her hat, which was still attached to his head. The large array of curses she had used had fused it to his skull. With an almighty wrench, the hat came off, along with most of Godric's brains. She absentmindedly stuffed them into the hat. She had just realized something._

"'_None of you ever let me do anything first,' she muttered to Rowena and Godric, who were quite unresponsive. 'Not even die!'_

_"She felt very depressed, and still holding the hat in her hands, she took her cup of wine and drank deeply from it. A sudden thought struck her, and she stared around for the bottle of poison Salazar had always kept handy. Not seeing it, she shrugged and beat herself around the head with the cup until she staggered to the floor, bleeding profusely. Her last words before she lost consciousness were, 'I beat Salazar.'"_

A long silence followed Sirius' story. The first and second years were staring at him in wide eyed shock, and little Bill Weasley burst into tears. Remus was staring at him as well, rather incredulously, and said, "You tell that story to first years!"

Sirius nodded. "My cousin Bella used to tell me it as a bedtime story."

Remus shook his head, and remarked, "Ah, if only the outside reflected the madness within."

Sirius grinned. "You'd know all about the 'madness within', wouldn't you Remie?" This was one of their favorite in-jokes.

James jumped up to join Sirius on the couch, and said, "Hey guys, talking on Remus' furry little problem, what shall we do next weekend?"

The three crowded together by the fire, leaving Peter to shoo away some very traumatized first and second years, most of which looked as though they'd never look at a Hufflepuff the same way again.


End file.
